I lost my virginity about a month ago. I had always worried about whether I could last long enough to satisfy a woman. As it turns out, I do have a problem with stamina, but not the one I had feared. Quite the opposite: I last too long. Yes, I’m complaining, not bragging. I’ve had intercourse with my girlfriend a total of three times, and on all three occasions I lasted at least 45 minutes. We stopped before I could orgasm each time, as she was tired (or because we got interrupted). Granted, the fact that I always wear a condom may have something to do with the increased stamina, but that’s something that can’t change.
What would you suggest I do to increase my sensitivity?
Too Much of a Good Thing
Dear Too Much of a Good Thing,
There are quite a few different factors that could be contributing to your dilemma. First of all, you have recently lost your virginity. Because you’ve only experienced intercourse a few times, you may have not yet found what you like during sex. Trying some different positions during intercourse, or perhaps incorporating oral sex, may prove to be beneficial.
Also, intercourse is not just physiological, but psychological as well. Your inability to ejaculate within a reasonable timeframe may be linked to anxiety. For this you could try some different relaxation techniques before intercourse, such as autogenic training. This technique involves imagining your arms and legs are heavy, warm and tingly, and is a good way to release tension before engaging in intercourse.
There are also many different brands and types of condoms on the market. I would suggest trying a different type – perhaps an ultra thin or one marketed for extra sensitivity.
Drugs can also be a factor. Prescribed drugs, especially many antidepressants, can have a range of sexual side effects. Recreational drugs can also have many side effects, as I discussed in a previous column regarding erectile dysfunction.
I would also recommend that both you and your partner try Kegel exercises. These exercises tone the pelvic floor muscles, called the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles. Both men and women can simply contract the pelvic muscles, hold for a few seconds, and then release. Doing this regularly will increase control and enhance overall sexual pleasure. Some males are able to contract these muscles just prior to ejaculation, so they are able to have a dry orgasm without losing their erection. Females can do Kegels during intercourse, tightening the vaginal muscles around the penis, which will also enhance pleasure for both partners.
Be safe and have fun!
Greenberg, Jerrold S. Exploring The Dimensions Of Human Sexuality. 2nd ed. Ed. Sudbury, MA: Jones and Bartlet Publishers, Inc., 2004.
Different types of Kegel exercises, from talksexwithsue.com:
Different Kegel exercises:
The Fawcet: With a full bladder, go to the bathroom, start to urinate, then quickly tighten and stop the flow of urine. Start to urinate again, stop, start and stop. From now on, every time you urinate, start and stop repeatedly; while it may take a long time to finish, you will soon notice you have much better control.
The Wave: Whenever you are driving, while waiting for a green light or at a stop sign, try to tighten all your PC muscles back to front and front to back. Tighten, slowly hold the tension for 1-2 seconds, then slowly release each area. Do this “wave” whenever you are in traffic or seated at your desk.