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Breakin’ the law

Rebels and pranksters, beware: There are whole sets of laws you can violate without even breaking a sweat. Everyone has seen politicians at work and we all know that, when given too much power, strange, unexplainable legislation comes about. Almost every state in the country has laws that don’t make any sense, many of which came to fruition long ago but are still on the books. Florida is no exception. Watch out, you could be a felon and not even know it.

Some laws are in effect for the entire state and some only apply to certain cities. According to, the entire state has to abide by the following laws.

The first group of laws deals with nude and semi-nude activity. In the state of Florida, it is considered an offense to shower naked. When having sex, only the missionary position is legal. Do you like to sing along to a radio when you’re relaxing on the beach? Well, you could be arrested or fined; it’s illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Transportation was also a concern to early lawmakers. Colonists in Florida must have been serious about their horses, because the penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. Also, for those of you who use your elephant as a primary source of transportation, don’t forget to feed the meter. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

Men and women have their own special laws to worry about. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. Also, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday, or she risks arrest and fines.

Men, meanwhile, may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. And this law doesn’t specifically state that it is for men only, but it applies to many: You may not fart in any public place after 6 p.m. on Thursdays.

Some cities have special laws all their own. In Daytona Beach, the molestation of trashcans is banned. Walking as exercise or relaxation is a bad idea in Hialeah, as ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor. In Pensacola, a woman can be fined — only after death — for being electrocuted in a bathtub due to the use of “self-beautification utensils.” Also, citizens may not be caught downtown without at least $10 on them — though the law fails to specify cash or credit. In Sanford, stage nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.

Finally, in our wholesome home of Tampa, women may not expose their breasts while performing “topless dancing,” and lap dances must be given at least six feet away from a patron. Not to mention it’s illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6 p.m.

Who thought of all of these laws, why are they still in effect today and what purposes do they serve? Perhaps at some point in time these laws were made for a reason, but knowing current politicians, some were created just because someone had to the power to do so.