I’m not even supposed to be divulging this information. My friend, who works at Sony, told me they are expanding their Playstation 2 game selection and have contacted yours truly to bring fresh new ideas to their company. I’ve got some pretty sweet ideas and I’m going to let everyone in on a few. Here are some of the games I submitted to my friend at Sony.
Grand Theft Auto: Tampa Bay — Run errands for Buccaneers owner Malcolm Glazer in his quest for world domination! You can also roam the streets of Tampa, take out the traffic on I-275, shoot a bazooka at Raymond James or try your luck in Ybor City after hours!
Barry Bonds Backyard Baseball: Baseball like you used to remember it. Join Barry Bonds and friends for a game at the neighborhood sandlot. Don’t offend Barry and maybe he’ll show you how to take “the cream” for your arthritis and “the clear” to take advantage of the nutritional benefits of flaxseed oil.
Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out: Ignoring the obvious Tyson jokes on this one, if anyone has ever played this game then they would recognize its brilliance. There will never be better video game characters than Glass Joe, Soda Popinski and King Hippo. Bring back the classic!
Sports Stars Casino Challenge: Place your bets! Figure the odds as you join notable coaches and athletes in the competitive world of sports gambling. You can play as Pete Rose as he wagers on everything from horse racing to baseball. Or you can organize a March Madness pool with Rick Neuhesiel. You’ll be a regular Jimmy the Greek after playing this game.
NHL 2005: Prepare for excitement in Sony’s first real-time game! Play as NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman or Union Chief Bob Goodenow and use all the weapons at your disposal to stall negotiations. Propose a luxury tax/revenue-sharing plan, or argue on salary cap levels as your already small fan base dwindles toward non-existence.
Ashlee Simpson’s Rockin’ Dance Party: Acid reflux, a stomach virus and a mischievous band will try to stop you from performing at your best in this interactive adventure. If you can avoid live performances and piggyback off your sister’s success, you just might have what it takes to fill Ashlee’s shoes. Complete special missions that unlock other untalented siblings like Roger Clinton and Eli Manning.
Napoleon Dynamite: The Game: Yes, you’ll love technology as you play this game based on the movie. Collect Tater Tots and Deb’s boondoggle key chains while dodging Uncle Rico’s errant passes. Missions include returning chickens with “large talons” to their pens and mastering D-Qwon’s dance moves to make the student body “Vote for Pedro.”
NCAA Beer Pong 2006: It’s finally here! Choose from over 300 Division I schools or create your own school. Master the lob, the bounce, the blow and other techniques on your quest toward becoming the 2006 NCAA Beer Pong Champion.
Def Jam’s PBA Street: Professional Bowling meets Hip-Hop. Pick up a 7-10 split with 50 Cent or get a turkey with Busta Rhymes. Use tricked-out 22-inch bowling balls at different lanes around America, like the schoolyards of Philly or Rucker Park in NYC.
Phil Fulmer’s I.F.O.C.E.: The International Federation of Competitive Eating and Tennessee Coach Phillip Fulmer team up in the first game featuring eating contests. You’ll be stuffing your gourd with everything from hot dogs to hot wings on your way to become IFOCE Champion.
“This game is so good you might find yourself eating the controller, I know I did,” – Phil Fulmer.
So keep your eyes open, because you might see these titles on the shelves next to other Playstation 2 greats like American Idol: The Video Game and Scooby Doo! Mystery Mayhem.