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Column: Waging war on, like, bad grammar

So I was, like walking, like to the Marshall Center and, like these people were, like asking me, like questions about basically if I would, like to, like fill out some forms for a credit card and I thought, like I should maybe not, like get another credit card. You know what I am saying? Like, I already basically have, like way too many cards.

So I asked my friend Kevin if I should, like get another one because I could definitely use another card because, like Christmas is coming up, and I definitely could buy much better presents if I had, like another card.

I thought, like maybe I could, like get one that, like I could maybe basically pay off real fast and, like it wouldn’t get me into debt. Like, you know what I am saying?

Had enough? Me, too.

With only three weeks left as a student here at USF, I have only one wish. Students, please stop peppering conversations with “like,” “definitely” and “basically.”

With the Good Lord as my witness, I will not rest until these words are finally put back into their appropriate grammatical place.Kind readers of The Oracle, we have always had a special bond. (Except for the people who send me hate mail, and I think they secretly have a big crush on me.) So please do me one last favor before I am shoved into the cold cruel world. Take a moment and listen to the words that come out of your mouth. If necessary, carry a tape recorder with you every where you go so you can hear how ridiculous you sound. I counted the number of times one girl in my class used the word “like, ” and it was 14 times in one monologue. This has to stop.

Are people being paid to disperse these words into their discussions and I am not aware of it? Is there money to be made for sounding illiterate? If that’s the case, then, like basically cool.

Now, I realize this sounds harsh. But I think it is time for some tough love. Soon, you will be searching for a job and I can imagine the interview.

Prospective Employee: “So, like I really basically am qualified for this position because I, like think that we need to rid the world of hunger because basically it is bad when children are, like starving.”

If Britney Spears is the CEO of the company, you may have a shot. Otherwise, you are just like out of luck.

Now, before the villagers get their torches and storm the newsroom, I must admit, I, too, am guilty of idiomatic idiocy. I often find myself driving into “likeville.” When I was a teen, I lived in a place called “you know-ville.” It is a scary place, you know?

So while I defiantly shake my finger in the face of the new curse upon the English language, I feel your pain.

To break me of the “you-know” syndrome, my father would instantly respond with a sarcastic, “No, I do not know. Will you please explain it to me.'”

Or even worse, he would say, “How could I know? You just told me the story? Do you think I am psychic?”

I’m not advocating this severe form of treatment, I am only asking for some self-examination. But I am starting a movement to eliminate all grammatical errors from the face of this nation. Who wants to come with?

  • Ann Norsworthy is The Oracle senior staff