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Column: Dreams of Giuliani and normalcy

I can tell the TV has been on too much in my house during the past two weeks. Now I am a lady and do not want to get into details, but I am having dreams about Rudy Giuliani almost every night.

The great mayor of New York City is encouraging us to get back to our normal life, (not in my dreams – on TV) so with the highest respect to the rescue workers, the victims and their families, here is my attempt at normalcy. Your Honor: This column is for you.

OK, after all the explanations of why these crazy people committed such a mad act, it comes down to the simple fact that they hate our way of life. They are jealous of all the things we have. And although some of the terrorists allegedly lived among us for several years ? I guess they just didn?t get it. So get out your flag and hum ?God Bless America? while you read these reasons why America is so great.

We have the Super Bowl, super glue, super absorbent paper towels, super bras, Superman, super soakers, super models and super markets.

We even have Super Wal-Mart. Rows and rows of anything a person would need to survive. In one aisle, the spray stuff that gets out the wrinkles in our clothes (possibly the best invention ever). In the snack section, we can chose between seven different types of cheese potato chips.

Yes, we love our food and we demand variety. We?ve got health food, international food, dried food, stuffed food, microwavable food and fast food. And let?s be honest, only Americans can fully appreciate the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. (With crab legs after 5 p.m.)

But almost as much as we love food, Americans love a good scandal. Think of how boring 1994 to 1999 would have been without O.J. or Monica.

And what self-respecting, scandalous personality would be seen without top-notch legal representation? Which makes the drama even more entertaining because Americans hate lawyers. Except the ones on television. Let?s face it, our heart belongs to Judge Judy.

In fact, we worship all of our celebrities. We want to know everything about them. Tom and Nicole?s divorce. Mariah?s breakdown. Julia?s newest beau. Thank goodness for Entertainment Tonight so we can know what they think and how they feel.

We like feelings. Americans go to therapy, read tons of self-help books and watch Dr. Phil on Oprah. And when we want help we want it now! Americans tend to be a bit impatient.

But we will line up for hours to purchase a ticket for a 10 million-to-one shot at the lottery. Americans have perfected the combination of a strong work ethic with the idea that you can get something for nothing.

Now in black and white, we appear to be a country fascinated by the strangest things. (You can stop humming now.) But that?s the beauty of it. We have the freedoms so we can enjoy what may appear to be trivial pursuits.

And while our priorities may have changed after September 11, we still need to enjoy the silly things that make us special. We also need to appreciate all the things we have.

Perhaps when this happens, I will stop having these dreams.

Ann Norsworthy is a senior majoring in mass communications and is The Oracle senior news