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Why North Korea is awesome


North Korea has gone rogue.

And not the hip, flashy X-men kind of rogue, but the Sarah Palin variety.

And while the global community’s dismissive response to the Asian powerhouse has dampened its prospects, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) is indeed a force to be feared and reckoned with.

But not the “there’s-a-high-likelihood-of-an-all-out-thermonuclear-holocaust” kind of fear, more of the “I-saw-a-spider-on-my-shower-curtain, I’ll-just-use-my-roommate’s-bathroom” kind of fear.

Kim Jung-Un’s stellar record as a leader, peacemaker and Michelin man look-alike stands uncontested.

While Obama’s poll figures find him wedged between a 50 percent approval rating and a divided congress, Kim’s 78,000 percent approval figures (plus or minus 2 percent) can only be a testament to the unremitting support the Korean people have for their dear leader. In fact, credible sources have indicated that his divine-like presence has the potential to impregnate unsuspecting female bystanders, possibly explaining North Korea’s explosive birthrate — just more compatriots to oil the gears of the revolution.

The DPRK’s unique approach to civil engagement allows for a multi-party platform to better reflect the consensus of the people.

Just in the last year, parties such as the People’s Front for Liberation from Imperialist Pigs, the Front for the Workers Freedom from Capitalist Dogs, and We Seriously Don’t Like America Party have just been a few of the many quasi-political factions to join the North Korean parliament, bringing their own unique blend of diverse solutions into the melting pot of Pyongyang.

The country’s prodigious strides in the realm of democracy are only overshadowed by the giant leaps it has taken to become a leader in global technology. And while cash-strapped America continues to cut core science exploration programs, such as the NASA space shuttle, North Korea has not wavered, recently upgrading its computerized rocket propulsion systems from Windows 95 to Windows 98.

Innovation is the mantra of North Korean society, which boasts a myriad of achievements in all spectra of human life, from generating one of the largest meme trends in Internet history to simultaneously pranking an entire nation of nearly 25 million people into believing in unicorns.

This flourishing socialist paradise speaks for itself; an engaging grass-roots utopia built upon the labor of the willing. Why else would they call it the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea if it wasn’t democratic and people friendly?

Stop hating, America. You mad, bro?

Konstantin Ravvin is a senior majoring in biomedical sciences.