Dear Holli,A few months ago, I met a guy on the Internet. We recently met in person for the first time and spent the weekend together. When it came time to fool around, he could not keep an erection. During oral sex, his penis was erect but when I put a condom on him, he became limp. What is the problem? Is it me or does he possibly have a problem?
Well, I hope you had a great weekend besides your sexual disappointment. Don’t worry! The problem is most likely not you. I’m sure you are a pro at oral sex! It is possible that Mr. Cyber Space has erectile dysfunction. Either a venous leak or a psychological issue could be the source of the problem. A venous leak is when blood flows into the penis during an erection, but then leaks out again, leaving the penis droopy and soft. It can be counteracted by wearing a penis ring. The penis ring goes around the base to stop the blood from draining away from the penis.
If the problem is psychological, the male could be worried about his sexual performance or have feelings of guilt, resentment or inadequacy. Sex therapy can be used to treat psychological incidents from occurring. Tell Mr. Cyber Space to seek the help of a doctor and/or therapist and you’ll be having more than cyber sex in no time!
Dear Holli,My partner always wants to go right into having sex. He needs to learn a thing or two about foreplay and how to get me “in the mood.” Would you mind giving him some pointers?
It would be my pleasure! Everyone knows that you have to warm the oven before you put in the turkey! With that being said, your partner needs to be familiar with the human body and all of its erogenous zones. An erogenous zone is a part of the body that feels particularly sensual while stimulated. The most sensitive areas are the mouth, the ears, the breasts, the stomach, insides of the thighs, the feet and of course the genitals!
Your partner can practice some light caresses or stroking on these areas along with some tongue action all over the body. Massages are welcomed to be performed as well. You can pick up some warming massage oil from your local adult store or any pharmacy in the area. Exploring the erogenous zones can give you an opportunity to get to know your partner on a more intimate level and prepare for the pleasure to come.
For more information: Hooper, Anne. Sexopedia. DK publishing. New York: 2003.
If you or any of your friends have any questions for Holli, you can e-mail her at SexuallySpeakingHolli@yahoo.com.
Holli Silverman is majoring in sociology and women’s studies. She is also a REACH peer educator with Student Health Services.