Where’s the sex?

Like any good college student approaching the graduation finish line, I was looking for jobs online and found a rather interesting prospect. In the lengthy list of writing jobs in New York City, an ad boasting, “HUSTLER magazine seeks college writers” immediately caught my attention.

So, out of sheer curiosity, I read the posting and it was totally legit. Apparently, Larry Flynt (or Larry Flynt’s staff) has come up with the idea to add some true college tales to their skin-to-win rag. The “College Report” is a monthly section about anything “shocking, controversial or sexy on your campus.” The idea of writing for Hustler is one I’m sure would not make my parents proud, yet I was intrigued. I Emailed the Features department at the magazine to get more information.

While waiting for a reply, I started to conjure up my own thoughts about what kind of articles they would be looking for. I couldn’t really see myself writing one of those, “So, I was at a party and…” stories, especially since they wanted true tales. It’s way too personal for this former Christian schoolgirl.

After reading their reply, I uttered an audible sigh of relief. They didn’t want smut-filled columns, but rather interesting college stories with a little sexy edge. Carolyn Sinclair, the Features Editor, stated specifically in her e-mail they wanted, “No I-got-drunk-and-laid stories. (Everyone gets drunk and laid in college. That’s why we go.)” So to my relief, I felt the pressure removed from thinking about writing an all-too-personal tell-all. But my relief did not last long.

I began to desperately think of an interesting college story. Here I am, having spent nearly six years in college (don’t ask), and I am completely void of any story ideas. Before I let an opportunity to be nationally published and make a little cash slip through my fingers, I decided to ask around campus and call some friends. Surely someone would have a great tawdry tale. I called a few friends, but they came up empty. They directed me to call their “wild” friends. Still nothing. So, here I am, calling random people and demanding they tell me their illicit affairs, but I still have nothing, except for embarrassment.

All of this gets me thinking: Do college kids actually have these fabulously titillating stories that intrigue Hustler’s readers, or is it just a stereotype that we are all a bunch of crazy, drunken kids, when in reality, we are in college to learn not to party? Well, I know that can’t be completely true. So, what is the deal? Why can’t I find just one story good enough for Hustler? Maybe kids on other college campuses are just having way more sex and fun than us, but it saddens me to think that way.

So, with that said, I am asking for someone to prove to me that we are indeed a party school. We live in a city where the heat leaves the ladies scantily clad most of the year, and the sandy beaches beacon to hot co-eds. So where’s the sex at USF? Please let me know if you’ve got it. Not only will you able to take pride in the fact that apparently you are one of the chosen few who is living the crazy college life, but I’ll cut you in on the cash.

Contact Lori Bartlett at oraclelori@yahoo.com