DIAGNOSIS: “Where’s your head at?” — Basement Jaxx
ILLNESS: Wanting an album to jam to and get the party started right, but can’t seem to find something that goes all the way.
SYMPTOMS: You listen to “electronica” but haven’t heard the terms “electro-clash” or “synth-pop.” Your collection of albums includes Prodigy and Chemical Brothers but fails to include true dance floor hits such as New Order’s “Blue Monday” or “So Sexual” by The Faint. Lastly, while clubbing you wear baggy shirts instead of tight ones and expect to pick someone up.
PRESCRIPTION: What you need are some real boombonic beats that will get any booty shakin’. Pick up Adult.’s Anxiety Always, or Anthony Rother’s classic Sex with the Machines. Substitute the band Fannypack for the freestyle, roller skating beats of Finesse and Runway. While you’re at it, maybe you should rent The Breakfast Club and think about getting a pair of white sunglasses or hoop earrings. Heavy bass lines and lyrics about real life will cure your feeling of emptiness when you try to find soul behind one of Fatboy Slim’s songs.
PROGNOSIS: Once you realize the ’80s are back, you’ll begin to feel at home. Who doesn’t love a good dose of synthesizers and vocoders laid on top of rhythms fresh off the computer. You’ll begin to appreciate those early video game soundtracks after discovering the addictive properties in the movie Tron.