People go to the gym for fitness. It’s a pretty simple concept at face value, but the next time you make a visit to your local recreation center, stand back and take some time before your workout to observe all the different species of gym-goers that you’re more than likely to see on a daily basis.
A species mostly dominated by males, if you haven’t seen this person, it’s safe to say you’ve heard him and he wants you to see him. Just follow the smooth sound of his hulk-like, face-melting grunts.
Mainly a heavy lifter, the Grunter can be spotted near the squat racks and benches. More often than not, he’s rather large and could be intimidating at first.
But once you get past what can only be a mating call to his fellow kind, you begin to realize through the yells at the climax of each rep that he just wants attention.
Message to the Grunter: If you’re at the gym groaning your head off, the people turning heads at you aren’t thinking, “Wow, this guy is really strong. I wish I was like him.” Rather, they’re thinking, “Oh my god, can I submit a noise complaint?”
Girl with way too much makeup:
Do not be fooled by the attire of skin-tight yoga pants, a tank top and a headband that has likely never seen sweat. This species is not at the gym to get in shape.
Typically spending well over the time needed on makeup, practically caking it on, these ladies are there for one reason only – to pick up/gain attention from other gym-goers.
Using most of their gym time on the mats “stretching” and texting on leg machines, this species of gym junkie wants to form the illusion of becoming fit as they scope out potential mates.
Their mating call is likely a flip of the hair. The illusion is poorly executed more often than not.
Oh, you expect the people of the gym to think you’re working out?
Keep telling yourself that while you lightly walk at 2.5 miles an hour on the treadmill, or better yet, when you leave the gym, hair perfectly intact and makeup exactly how it looked when you walked in.
Guy who stares at girls:
Closely related to the previous species mentioned is the male who is clearly not there to work out, unless the constant straining of his eyes counts as a workout.
While females at the gym go about their business, there is more than likely a male who is staring “between sets.”
Oh, you’re resting between sets? Pretty sure you’ve been doing that for about a half hour.
One of the most popular tricks of this species is the mirror trick. The male, between sets of course, will glance in the mirror. On the surface it seems as though he’s just checking something on his face, but you’ll notice that behind him is a female in yoga pants whom he just wants to get a better look at.
But No. 1 rule for the mirror: If you can see them, then they can see you.
The Tip Guy:
The following situation happens all too often: A quiet, avid user of the gym is working out, likely with headphones on. He/she happens to be doing a relatively simple workout such as dumbbell curls, when in the mirror next to them is Tip Guy.
The avid user makes eye contact – wrong move. Warning: Any and all eye contact made with this species will result in them approaching you.
All of the sudden, Tip Guy flashes a smile and begins to lecture the avid user on what he thinks will help.
“You see, if you curl this at a 55 degree angle instead of a 48 degree angle, you’re going to get a lot more pump and the results you really want,” Tip Guy will say.
At this point, the avid user had to pause his favorite song and watch as the slow Richard Simmons infomercial begins to unfold.
This species is one that has yet to go extinct, but is not very liked among the gym community.
Typical Gym Bro:
Head pointed high, back arched and shoulders back, this species can be spotted at gyms across the nation, roaming any area that can support his daily workout routine of upper body exercises, because let’s face it, leg days are overrated, right?
Sporting a shirt that is much less a shirt and more of a cloth, seeing as the sleeves have been cut so deep that you can see his hip and almost his nipples, this Typical Gym Bro is what people who don’t visit the gym often stereotype as a “gym rat.”
The stereotype does exist.
This species can sometimes be interbred with ‘the Guy who stares at girls,’ ‘the Grunter’ and even ‘the Tip Guy.’
His diet consists of protein shakes and he’s a notorious narcissist. 12