It’s the Super Bowl: the biggest sporting event of the year. It is in this spirit that I have decided to ignore my hatred of newspaper picks and allow the Oracle staff to make their own pointless choices based on hearsay and misinformation. Continue at your own discretion. A little reminder:
The game is between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks.
I only remind readers because superfans of other NFL teams become disinterested in the playoffs after their team is eliminated – such as Managing Editor John Calkins.
“The (Indianapolis) Colts are the best team,” Calkins said. “They’re going to go undefeated.”Calkins’ pick: Colts 49, Seahawks 2.
Sometimes you find a semi-intelligent football fan whose head is in the wrong place, such as Editor in Chief Mark Lennox.
“This will be the most boring Super Bowl ever,” Lennox said. “I’m going with Seattle, because they have a guy named Tatupu.”
Lennox’s pick: Seahawks 17, Pittsburgh 13.
Hey, Assistant News Editor Chris Gardner, what’s your Super Bowl pick?
“What’s this for?” Gardner said. “Is that tomorrow?”
Gardner’s eventual pick: Steelers 21, Seahawks 17.
What about Associate Editor and Pennsylvania native Brad Bautista?
“Pittsburgh should be part of Ohio.”
Bautista’s pick: Seahawks 35, Pittsburgh embarrassed.
Sometimes a picker must have all the information to make a quality pick.
“What does the coach of the Steelers look like?” Photo Editor Mike Reynolds said. But before I could answer he said, “Pittsburgh, more like Spittsburgh.”
Reynolds’ pick: Steelers by a furlong.
Reynolds isn’t the only staff member occupied with looks.
“I don’t care (about the Super Bowl),” said News Editor Ryan Blackburn while he combed his newly acquired facial hair. “I am too busy messing around with my mustache.”
Blackburn’s pick: The team with a mustachioed coach.
How about the Oracle’s resident vegetarian and Montage Editor Iris Sela? Surely she has some emotional breakdown of the two teams.
“Who’s going to be there?” Sela said. “OK. Hmm.”
Sela’s selection: Steelworkers 64-12.
I better ask another woman. How about Copy Chief Allison Tiberia?
“Steelers, because I heard some guys on SportsCenter say they were better,” Tiberia said.
Apparently Tiberia believes everything she sees on television.
Tiberia’s pick: Steelers 24, Seahawks 13.
OK, Sports Editor Mike Camunas has to have some idea.
“Pittsburgh has a good defense.”
Camunas’ inspired pick: Steelers 28, Seahawks 21.
How about me?
I told you, I despise newspaper picks.