Plop, plop, no relief

Those weak of heart, look away. Or at least take some Alka-Seltzer for the heartburn that’s about to kick in.

The play heard ’round Hartford, all the way over to Storrs, which trickled down to the warmth of the Bay area – try to ignore it if you have a weak stomach.

It was fourth-and-goal, with six yards to the promise land of a win and BCS hopes.

There were six minutes left in the game with a defense that was neutering Huskies left and right as though they were Bob Barker’s poster pups.

Don’t choke.

Consider your options here: A counter. A naked bootleg. A – reverse pitch for the backup quarterback to throw to the starting quarterback?

With that much time left and the defense working, wouldn’t you go for the easy score and hope to get the ball back?

“I thought about the field goal, and the reason why I didn’t do it was because I wanted two opportunities to win the ballgame and not one,” coach Jim Leavitt told the Associated Press. “I really felt like if we didn’t make it – which we didn’t – that our defense was playing really well and that we’d give our offense good field position.”

The play consisted of a pitch from Pat Julmiste to Andre Hall to Courtney Denson. In that amount of time, you’d figure someone could’ve made it in the end zone.

“If it works, everybody thinks you’re brilliant,” Leavitt said. “If it doesn’t, you’re foolish. So we’re foolish.”

What looked more foolish than that play, more foolish than S.J. Green pulling up 10 yards short of Julmiste’s so-called Hail Mary pass, more foolish than the ski warmers most of the players had to wear, was that Denson’s pass was intended for Julmiste.

Leavitt will say he’s not brilliant, and if you ask anyone about Rod Smith – and they have probably already been to – they will threaten to chase him into the windmill with pitchforks and torches.

So why the play that made the ever-hungry Terry Bowden gag?

A coaching staff that has seen its share of botched trick plays won’t relent and won’t second-guess itself. Apparently, it has enough confidence – and gall – from the reverse touchdown pass Amarri Jackson threw to tight end Derek Carter to continue to pull the tomfoolery out of its lost-the-magic bags.

“We couldn’t have made more mistakes in one game. I don’t think it’s possible,” Leavitt said.Mistakes – such as the negated 75-yard touchdown catch by Jackie Chambers, the bad snap by guard Chris Carothers filling in the for the injured John Miller or Green losing the ball in the lights – aside, is that play something you put BCS faith in?

Is a sack on fourth-and-goal supposed to impress anyone from the Motor City Bowl to the Meineke Car Care Bowl?

They won’t even bother stomaching that play.

Let’s put it this way: It was easier to watch the replay of Tyrone Prothro breaking his leg in two places than it was to watch that play.

At least with Prothro, you were allowed to lose your lunch.

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea – Pepto Bismol, anyone?