Job Description: Division I Athletic program seeks coaching perfection. Ideal candidate has the ability to go undefeated every season, increase revenues to unimaginable proportions and bring in five-star recruits from every corner of every city in America. Candidate must also enjoy long walks on the beach, talking about the future and winning national championships.

You have to wonder if there is a support group out there for these defunct head coaches who get tossed aside like a Christmas tree. Universities across the country pluck head coaches off of the chopping blocks in the hope that it will revitalize their programs.

Take Ron Zook; besides handing the LSU Tigers their only loss during their national championship run, Zook led the Gators to victory against the Florida State Seminoles in Doak Campbell Stadium.

Did the Ole Ball Coach ever beat Bowden in Tallahassee?

The closest Spurrier ever came was “the choke at Doak.” Now that’s bad. Now the Zooker is over in Illinois.

Ty Willingham lasted a mere three seasons at Notre Dame, although he went 8-3 in his first season with the Fighting Irish. This season Notre Dame upset Michigan and defeated Tennessee in Knoxville, the Vols’ only home loss this season. Every other coach in the history of Notre Dame had the chance to fulfill their five-year contract obligations. Even Bob Davie — yes, Bob Davie — still got to finish his contract.

And now we come to David Cutcliffe, the former coach of Ole Miss. Cutcliffe was a coach with class. He led Mississippi to six consecutive winning seasons and posted a 10-3 record before this year’s 4-7 debacle.

One losing season? What’s the deal? Are college football coaches on a stage, dancing to entertain?

Imagine Ty Willingham doing his best version of the robot, when suddenly a pinstriped cane comes inching out towards his neck.

Yank!

Willingham got yanked so hard he didn’t stop flying till he reached the University of Washington. That’s a long toss from South Bend. Guess those alumni had a good right hook.

Nowadays, coaches don’t even get a chance to see their recruits through graduation. Zook won’t get the chance to see Chris Leak develop to his full potential. Urban Meyer will direct a Gator team laden with talent pooled from Zook’s recruiting efforts.

Then again, Meyer is the hot commodity in college football these days. He spurned Utah after leading them to their first, and probably only, BCS game. He’s a winner. His slim resume is mighty impressive, too, boasting four years as a head coach at Bowling Green and Utah. Never has Meyer had to tread the waters of the SEC. The bar is set high in towns like Gainesville; two losing seasons could result in fireurbanmeyer.com developing a dedicated following.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. There will always be jobs for coaches who post decent records. Southeast Missouri State is always hiring. But until then, coaches, keep checking the classifieds.