The Straight 2 Video Chronicles

The Best Of…

Tagline: Who needs one? In a movie starring and directed by Jackie Chan, no one needs to pull the audiences in — they’re already hooked. (Jackie Chan’s Project A2) – Olga Robak

Plot: Walking. Where to? No one knows. These guys are in a desert, and they’re walking somewhere. That’s it, just lots and lots of walking. Oh, and some resting too. (Gerry) – Nick Margiasso

Best line: The vampire-hunting priest — who is also half vampire, go figure — is cornered by Dracula, who asks him, “How does it feel to exist in both worlds but belong to neither?” To this, the priest responds, “It sucks.” Holy horrific script. In a genre defined by romantic yearning and poetic prose all the writer could come up with was “It sucks.” No need for garlic or stakes-through-the-heart here; Crappy screenwriting kills vampires quicker than any of that nonsense. (Dracula 2: Ascention) – Nick Margiasso

Obligatory cheese scene: When Kelly’s love interest Tabby (oddly cute naked chick from Road Trip), a good-looking Yale graduate student, is crying because she found out her fiancé kissed another woman. Kelly uses his charisma (again, he is 17) to woo her into a long drawn out kiss. I kept waiting for the scene to cut to him waking up in his bed with a pitched tent, but it never happened. (The Battle of Shaker Heights) – Thomas Simonetti

Movie music hell: Another Coolio original, “I Like Girls,” plays an important part in this film. But with lyrics such as “Treat her like she’s special without spending a penny/ She walks in there, you’ll show her/ take her to Denny’s” (China Strike Force) – Olga Robak

The real moral of the story: Don’t watch this movie unless you have Polish-speaking friends, Polish beer or both beside you. (Avalon) – Sherry Mims