Be warned that the newly released computer virus MyDoom is staging a “mammoth digital attack” and there’s not a thing Microsoft can do about it. Once again, the latest fashionable computer virus is designed especially for Microsoft and PCs.

Right now there are just two versions of the virus MyDoom, which sounds more like a war game for PlayStation complete with combat headgear than a computer bug. The viruses are adequately named MyDoom.A and MyDoom.B. One virus is designed to attack e-mail accounts, while the other is programmed to target Microsoft and software firm SCO Group, Inc.

Now before the doom couple procreate and reach the end of the alphabet with MyDoom.Z, computer security at Microsoft asks that you follow three very important steps to prevent your computer from being attacked.

It would be a good idea to write them down and keep it nearby any PC. The instructions are listed as follows: 1. Don’t open e-mail from an unknown source. 2. Only open expected e-mail 3. Don’t automatically open e-mail attachments. So in other words, use the same common sense of a pigeon and don’t open any unknown e-mail. Or plan B: get a Mac.

Fortunately, I already have plenty of practice deleting spam from users named Dave or Bob asking me to finance my room in my apartment complex, or asking me to enhance a body part I don’t even have.

Microsoft is asking that PC users be especially cautious of MyDoom.A, which also goes by two other names that are impossible to pronounce. That is because MyDoom.A is the virus that is carried in an e-mail attachment, so don’t be fooled even if it does come from username: SaraLee@hotgirls.com, but the subject line reads: Hi. (Follow redundant steps 1–3 listed above)

Computer security warns that even if the e-mail address appears to be a legitimate one and contains “Hi” in the subject line, it’s still evil. Then again, if it spreads through your apartment complex there is not much you can do about it other than make your monitor a 10-inch nightlight.

But Microsoft should be more concerned about MyDoom.B, since it is a virus programmed to attack its system along with SCO Group, Inc. The Utah-based software firm has been filing lawsuits against International Business Machine Corp. citing the use of code for the Linux operating system. It seems pretty serious since SCO is offering a $250,000-reward for information that would lead to the arrests of the authors of MyDoom.

In November, Microsoft offered two $250,000-rewards for information that would lead to the arrests of Blaster’s and SoBig’s authors, two viruses that wreaked havoc on consumer computers as well as servers running Windows software. But in order to prevent the virus, Microsoft supplied a patch to save computers from the evil binary beings. After all, patches have been saving people from all other things that are unwanted: kids, smoking addiction and weight gain.

But with MyDoom, the viruses have been preventing access thereby preventing users from downloading and installing the patches, according to CNN.com. If MyDoom is anything like SoBig and Blaster, this means my computer will only start in Windows’ “safe mode only.” This mode is so safe that the only programs I can access are solitaire and the calculator from the start up menu.

Maybe the virus will turn out to be nothing more than the average amount of spam I have to delete from my account, otherwise MyDoom will make my computer my useless PC.

But as usual the question remains, why can’t Microsoft make a secure operating system? Or are they in the business of selling patches now? But no, that would be too evil.

Grace Agostin is a senior majoring in mass communications. oraclegrace@yahoo.com