Beware home improvement moguls

Last week, the federal government, for the first time, warned Americans to develop their own emergency plan in the event of terrorism. Some of the suggestions were that families should stock a 3-day supply of food and water, not to mention plenty of duct tape and plastic to seal their homes, in the event of a chemical or biological attack.

While Americans should appreciate our government’s concern for our well-being, we all shouldn’t run out to Home Depot in order to stock up on duct tape and plastic. After all, that would be playing right into the hands of the terrorists, and if you think about it, it might just be playing into the hands of the home improvement industry.

It is not completely unreasonable to think that executives and shareholders at Home Depot, Lowe’s and maybe even the local Mansfield Supply Store have gotten together in a conspiracy to scare consumers into purchasing insane amounts of duct tape and plastic in order to increase revenues in this sagging economy.

Our nation has a lot on its plate right now. However, the Bush administration, the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security owe it to the taxpayers of this great country to investigate if, in fact, there is a conspiracy to scare consumers into buying duct tape by the truckload, because there is always the possibility that the duct tape and plastic is manufactured in the Middle East.

Clearly, the terrorists are financing terrorism by selling marijuana, SUVs and duct tape to unsuspecting Americans in an attempt to have all Americans trapped in the garages of the plastic-wrapped homes, sitting in their Ford Expeditions, smoking marijuana and waiting, scared, for the next terrorist attack.

University Wire — U. Connecticut