Stadium etiquette

To whom it may concern:

After three games this season in the student section at Raymond James Stadium, it is time someone informs you on proper stadium etiquette and mannerisms.

1. There is to be no standing on chairs. You may be short, but that is an issue to take up with your family’s gene pool, not the girls behind you who can barely see as it is. If you cannot see, feel free to move to another seat — the people behind you would love to move up a row.

2. Those of you who feel the need to be inebriated throughout the game, please learn to hold your liquor, or at least bring a barf bag with you. No one wants to see it, let alone smell it, for the entire game.

3. If you get a 100-level ticket — or 200-level, for that matter — do not waste it with your head glued to the porcelain god for the whole game. If you can’t keep it in, don’t drink it.

4. Puking in the dark parking lot where someone might walk through in his or her flip-flops is highly frowned upon and will bring you horrible karma.

5. Shouting at the referees is acceptable and encouraged. Shouting into the ear of the person in front of you is not.

6. If you cannot hold onto your beer without spilling it on those around you, either bring a sippy cup to the game, or do not waste $7 on beer that’ll just end up on somebody else’s shoes.

7. Cheering for the other team while in the student section is not only dangerous for your precious face, it’s downright stupid.

8. If you do not like football, man up and tell your boyfriend (or girlfriend). There is to be no sleeping during the game, especially not in the 100 level. You kept someone in the 200 level from getting a coveted 100-level ticket, so appreciate it.

9. If you do not have a 100-level ticket, do not sneak down into the section and block up the stairwell when the seats are already taken. Yes, we understand you do not have time to rack up loyalty points at the soccer games, but maybe you should learn better time-management skills. By blocking the stairwell, you are just irritating the stadium staff, who in turn will take it out on those of us who actually have 100-level tickets and are just trying to get back to our seats with our nice, cold beverages.

10. If you choose to watch the game from the landing above the student section, please do not just stand there like a statue. Some of us are trying to get through to the concession stand or the bathroom, and your failure to move out of the way even when we ask you to please step aside is only going to make us want to punch you in the face.

Thank you, and enjoy the rest of football season.